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4.1 ★★★★★
Based on 28 reviews
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Product Reviews
★★★★★ 4
A useful resouce
Format: Kindle
I appreciate this this book broke down how relationships break down and how to repair them. Basically, its a lot of work. But I appreciate the honesty about just how much work it will be and the steps necessary to achieve it. It will help couples figure out if they are really are ready to put in the work to have a secure and loving relationship.
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Reviewed in the United States on October 8, 2022
★★★★★ 5
Worth the investment and time to read
Format: Paperback
Great book. Helpful explaining and things to implement to make your life better.
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Reviewed in the United States on January 14, 2026
★★★★★ 5
Wonderful
Format: Paperback
This should be mandatory for all people who are dating or want to get married. This will guide you through everything you will go through in a marriage.
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Reviewed in the United States on December 27, 2025
★★★★★ 5
Best Book on Improving Communication in Relationships
Format: Paperback
Such a helpful book, with concrete tips for improving communication in relationships. I find myself returning to this book whenever things become challenging in a relationship. I also attended a retreat based on the book’s teachings. Incredibly helpful.
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Reviewed in the United States on July 23, 2025
★★★★★ 3
Interesting, but not empirically validated, and written explicitly for straight people (why?!)
Format: Kindle
This one’s the 500-pound gorilla of the healthy-couple self-help genre, with thirty years in print, scores of Oprah appearances by the authors, thousands of therapists practicing the Imago framework.
The main thing that I need to tell you about this updated edition, from the year 2019, is that it does not mention or acknowledge the existence of queer or same-sex couples even one time. In fact, it really doubles down on the husband and wife stuff, takes gender roles pretty seriously, which is not a thing I realized we did anymore, except as a joke. Anyway, talking only to straight people is not too relevant to my interests, and while the conservative Christian viewpoint is pretty subtle in the advertising, just be aware of that PROBABLY NOT ACCIDENTAL omission going in, queer friends.
(This is made even more impressive by the fact that the heart of the Imago approach is based on childhood trauma, about the ways in which our parents caused us to suppress or hide or ignore parts of ourselves in order to be accepted and loved. Just let that sink in, because I’ve been reading this book for the past week and I am still reeling from the irony that people who have been thinking for the past three decades about the ways that parents cause trauma to kids by failing to accept parts of them have missed the VERY OBVIOUS AND RELEVANT EXAMPLE of queer folks.)
That aside, for me the book was a mixed-bag of some interesting and provocative ideas (I’d put these in the category of poetic notions, or interesting narrative ideas), alongside some really kooky 20th century neo-Freudian stuff (rooted in part in Freud’s theory of repetition compulsion.) I’m no fan of Freudian approaches, and after I started this book, I decided to see how empirically-validated this Imago approach is: based on what I found, there seems to be basically no evidence that this therapy is effective.
Am I glad I read it? I think so?? It was thought-provoking, with the pretty significant grain of salt that there’s not much evidence to support that Imago therapy is much better than doing nothing at all. Also, I feel a little gross giving my money to relationship experts who (in 2019!!)) won’t even acknowledge the existence of queer people, even when doing so would obviously strengthen their core arguments and provide better examples than some of the meek ones they give.
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Reviewed in the United States on November 18, 2021
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